Easter has always been a difficult holiday for me... at least, it has been since I was old enough to know what the holiday was really about (when you're a kid, Easter just means jelly beans).
Don't get me wrong; I love hearing about the ministry and resurrection of Christ. Even when I was basically apostate, the story filled me with an incredible amount of respect for the Lord. It takes so much love to live for others, and even more to die for them. One of my biggest goals in life is to love and serve in every way I can - to develop a perfect love.
I guess that's why Easter hits me so hard. As I think about Christ and his perfect love, I start to see all of my shortcomings, and they eat away at me for weeks.
I wish I could be more open, and kind. I need to be a better teacher, and a better friend. I don't connect with people as easily as I should, and I don't serve as much as I could. I get really prideful sometimes.
Basically, Easter makes me feel like a whole lot of Not Much... which is really bizarre, considering that this is a Christian holiday that tends to lean heavily on the individual worth aspect of humanity. It's good for me, though. The more I focus on Christ, the harder I look at myself, and the more I see what I can be.
I have no idea why I'm writing this. Sorry guys! Sometimes the slightly depressing and weird thoughts need to come out, too.
I hope you all had a lovely Easter! I'll write something more interesting later this week (something that I'll actually draft and edit before I post it).